Pa Essay Collaborative

In this fourth installment of our special week-long personal statement workshop, we continue to pull essays submitted from the comments section through our free essay submission process and provide you, and our users, with a more detailed analysis of their essays.

This fourth submission is by Parn, who immigrated to the United States from Iran at the age of 7 and found a passion for healthcare while attending regular doctors visits with her ailing grandfather. She details her academic experience in college and her time providing in-home health care services for patients with disabilities.

We will present you with her original essay and our suggestions.

As always, use this as a guide to see where you can improve your own writing, and respect the work of others. It should go without saying this is not your essay, so don’t plagiarize.

Suggestions and Revisions

We have provided only basic guidance here in this example.

By: Sue Edmondson (personal statement collaborative)

Hi Parn,

You have a lot of great experience and good writing skills, things many applicants lack. That's gives you a definite edge. However, there are ways to tighten your essay and really make it shine.

You don't need the first paragraph at all. It's so remote in time and such a common occurrence (yes, even moving to the U.S. from Iran or another country, and especially experiences with ailing grandparents), that it's not remarkable enough to include.

The second paragraph is good, but it has a lot of extra words (and a couple used improperly) that make it bulky. By the way, never use exclamation points, and the word "passion" is so overused, it doesn't mean much to Admissions Directors. Take a look at these edited sentences and see if you miss anything:

What I really wanted to know after I read that paragraph is why the prospect of becoming a PA appealed. You didn't say and you should. Admissions Directors want to know specifically why you're choosing the PA profession.

Read your other paragraphs carefully, and see where you've written more than needed. You'll find words to eliminate, I'm sure.

You do a good job of writing about your experience with your patient. Maybe in your PA shadowing experience, a particular case stands out as an example of exemplary PA work. You could write about that.

In your last paragraph, the word alacrity isn't the best choice. You want to emphasize ability, not eagerness.

I hope this helps.

Best of luck.

Sue Edmondson

The Personal Statement Collaborative

At the Physician Assistant personal statement collaborative we work with you beyond a few pieces of advice and a routine spell check. We are a team of professional writers here to make sure your essay reflects your very best work. We will take you from a rough draft or even a few ideas scribbled on a piece of paper to a final, polished essay that reflects your very best work.

We are ready to help, Click here to learn more.

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View all posts in this series
  • How to Write the Perfect Physician Assistant School Application Essay
  • The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative
  • Do You Recognize These 7 Common Mistakes in Your Personal Statement?
  • 7 Essays in 7 Days: PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 1, “A PA Changed My Life”
  • PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 2, “I Want to Move Towards the Forefront of Patient Care”
  • PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 3, “She Smiled, Said “Gracias!” and Gave me a Big Hug”
  • PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 4, “I Have Gained so Much Experience by Working With Patients”
  • PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 5, “Then Reach, my Son, and Lift Your People up With You”
  • PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 6, “That First Day in Surgery was the First Day of the Rest of my Life”
  • PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 7, “I Want to Take People From Dying to Living, I Want to Get Them Down From the Cliff.”
  • Physician Assistant Personal Statement Workshop: “To say I was an accident-prone child is an understatement”
  • 9 Simple Steps to Avoid Silly Spelling and Grammar Goofs in Your PA School Personel Statement
  • 5 Tips to Get you Started on Your Personal Essay (and why you should do it now)
  • How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement The Book!
  • How to Write “Physician Assistant” The PA Grammar Guide
  • 101 PA School Admissions Essays: The Book!
  • 5 Things I’ve Learned Going Into My Fourth Physician Assistant Application Cycle
  • 7 Tips for Addressing Shortcomings in Your PA School Personal Statement

Schedule a Live Recorded PA School Video Interview

We offer 45-minute mock PA school interviews with post-interview feedback and advice. Includes a recorded video of your interview that you can watch, download or share with family and friends. There is no better way to prepare!

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Essay 4: "I have gained so much experience from working, more than I could have ever imagined."

By: Parn

Around the age of seven, my family and I moved to the United States from Iran. Around that time my grandfather, who was already here, had a stroke and was in and out of hospitals and doctor offices. I attended those visits with him and my father and, even though I was young and barely spoke English, I was still able to notice the quality of care that my grandfather was provided by the healthcare professionals. I was very intrigued by how the doctors and nurses took such good care of him and just like any young child, I walked around and I would proudly say that I would become a doctor one day!

I knew at a young age I wanted to work in some kind of health career. Throughout my adolescence, I was always attracted to science courses and I would excel in them. I took many health related courses in high school and was privileged to take an Allied Health class where I, along with other students, was able to volunteer in nursing homes and shadow different departments within our local hospital. That was an eye-opening experience and it reassured my passion for the health profession. However, it wasn’t until my freshman year of college that I was introduced to the Physician Assistant field. During my undergraduate at the University of North Carolina at Greensboro (UNCG) I majored in Biology where I took a keen interest into the human based biology courses such Human Anatomy, Cellular Biology, and Biochemistry. I am still very intrigued by how the human body works and even though some concepts are difficult to understand, I am always eager to learn more. I attended many seminars during my undergrad at UNCG about the different careers within the health field, and each time the prospect of becoming a Physician Assistant became more and more appealing!

Within the past two years, I was fortunate enough to acquire a job with a company that provides in-home care for people with disabilities. I was placed with a 13 year old with Rhett’s Syndrome. My job allowed me to provide assistance with the clients everyday routines, such as, aiding with toileting, feeding, showering, and walking. I also worked on specific goals to better the clients cognitive and motor skills. I have gained so much experience from working, more than I could have ever imagined. I have learned so much about myself including the amount of patience and commitment I have to help accommodate her life and make activities of daily living easier on her. Since the client is not able to communicate verbally, I have learned how to depend on other factors such as body language, recognition of differences in her mood from day to day, and coming up with alternate ways to communicate. I have learned what it takes to deal with a person who depends on you for everything, similar to how a patient coming in for a visit depends on their PA for the correct diagnosis and the right treatment. I continue to learn more and more each day I work with her.

Another experience that has helped motivate me to become a PA has been the opportunity to shadow an actual Physician Assistant. I was able to observe the PA interact with her patients and perform examinations. I have gained a lot from that experience. I learned how to interact with different types of patients and I noticed that it takes a lot more than being knowledgeable in medicine to be an effective health provider.

Apart from the typical roles of a PA, I learned from my shadowing experience that a PA needs to be attentive, amicable, and possess interpersonal skills.

Throughout my career as a student and a caregiver, I have learned that along with my alacrity for medicine, I possess qualities that would enhance my role as a Physician Assistant. Most importantly I am a good listener, a quality that is significant in any health profession. I am compassionate for others, and possess a lot of patience. I am prepared to work hard to be the best Physician Assistant I can be, and I look forward for the opportunity to begin the next chapter of my life.

Thanks!!

"I knew at a young age I wanted to work in healthcare. During high school, I excelled in science and was privileged to take an Allied Health class where students volunteered in nursing homes and shadowed different departments at our local hospital. That was an eye-opening experience and reinforced my interest in medicine. As an undergraduate, I majored in Biology, where I took a keen interest in the human-based biology courses. While a freshman, I was introduced to the Physician Assistant field. I had attended many seminars about the different careers within healthcare, and each time the prospect of a career as a Physician Assistant became more appealing."

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Admissions Directors and faculty share their expectations for your PA school personal statement and we teach you how to write it!

 

What Makes This Book Unique?

We have worked with 1000’s of applicants through our Personal Statement and Essay Collaborative and have interviewed PA school faculty and Admissions Directors from 12 top ranking PA schools across the country to give you the inside scoop and provide you with a guaranteed formula for success.

 

Chapter 1: The Expert Panel
Admissions directors and faculty from 12 top ranking PA schools tell you exactly what they want in your personal statement.

Chapter 2: Writing Your Personal Statement
Now that you know what PA school admissions directors are looking for in your essay it’s time to get to work. In this section, we offer you the tools you need to write an essay that will resonate with the PA school admissions committee.

Chapter 3: Personal Statements That Worked
These essays resulted in PA school acceptance letters. What’s their secret? We give you real-world samples and step-by-step analysis.

Chapter 4: Wrapping Up
When we sit down to write our essay, we take a risk. We risk our words being rejected, we risk our work being compared to others, we risk revealing parts of ourselves we may not want others to see, we risk money, time with our loved ones, or worse yet, proving the naysayers right. That's the nature of creating something meaningful; we're trading time for the pursuit f something bigger than ourselves.  Sharing a part of ourselves and sharing who we are is always risky. Writing a meaningful essay takes courage. Is there something stopping you from writing an essay that matters? Here we explore common barriers to success and how to overcome them.

Total pages: 83

Here is what people have to say

We have created two special companion resources that are only available only through the website

How to Write Your PA Personal Statement Workbook

 

Twelve interviews and twelve rules to writing your physician assistant personal statement

Learning what Admissions Directors and PA school faculty want in your personal statement is only the first step. We have created this accompanying workbook to help you put this advice into action.

View the Workbook

The Expert Panel Audiobook

 

If you're like me you may have more books on your shelf than you have time in the day to read them. For this reason, we have summarized the PA school admissions directors quotes and recommendations for how to write your personal statement into a companion audiobook for easy listening in the car, at the gym or even in the shower (although we strongly advise against the latter).

View the Audiobook

How to get your copy

1. Special Website Only Digital Download Workbook and Audiobook

2. Amazon Paperback or Kindle Instant Download

You can purchase the print book and Kindle versions directly through Amazon.com by clicking here

 

3. Personal Statement Collaborative + FREE eBook Package

Everyone who buys one of our essay review service packages will receive a free instant download of our complete digital e-book package: audiobook + e-book (Mobi and PDF) and the workbook. We have also included a copy of our latest book 101 PA School Admissions essays.

This is a wonderful deal, when combined with the free e-book package your professional edit is only $45!

 

View all posts in this series
  • How to Write the Perfect Physician Assistant School Application Essay
  • The Physician Assistant Essay and Personal Statement Collaborative
  • Do You Recognize These 7 Common Mistakes in Your Personal Statement?
  • 7 Essays in 7 Days: PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 1, “A PA Changed My Life”
  • PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 2, “I Want to Move Towards the Forefront of Patient Care”
  • PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 3, “She Smiled, Said “Gracias!” and Gave me a Big Hug”
  • PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 4, “I Have Gained so Much Experience by Working With Patients”
  • PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 5, “Then Reach, my Son, and Lift Your People up With You”
  • PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 6, “That First Day in Surgery was the First Day of the Rest of my Life”
  • PA Personal Statement Workshop: Essay 7, “I Want to Take People From Dying to Living, I Want to Get Them Down From the Cliff.”
  • Physician Assistant Personal Statement Workshop: “To say I was an accident-prone child is an understatement”
  • 9 Simple Steps to Avoid Silly Spelling and Grammar Goofs in Your PA School Personel Statement
  • 5 Tips to Get you Started on Your Personal Essay (and why you should do it now)
  • How to Write Your Physician Assistant Personal Statement The Book!
  • How to Write “Physician Assistant” The PA Grammar Guide
  • 101 PA School Admissions Essays: The Book!
  • 5 Things I’ve Learned Going Into My Fourth Physician Assistant Application Cycle
  • 7 Tips for Addressing Shortcomings in Your PA School Personal Statement

Schedule a Live Recorded PA School Video Interview

We offer 45-minute mock PA school interviews with post-interview feedback and advice. Includes a recorded video of your interview that you can watch, download or share with family and friends. There is no better way to prepare!

Schedule an Interview
Holy cow! I wanted to let you know I have been accepted to PA school.  I will be attending the Franklin Pierce Physician Assistant Program, Class of 2019 in West Lebanon, NH. I cannot thank you enough for being part of my journey.

If you are reading this you might have been like me skeptical and trying to find a way to write a stellar essay for your PA application.  I want to share with you my exceptional experience using this service.  First, do yourself a favor and BUY the eBook, “The Insider’s Guide to Your Personal Statement.”  I read it twice. Once before I started my essay draft and then again during.  I cannot stress how helpful the book was in clearly stating what the Admissions Directors are looking for in application essay.

Next, the book reviews how to formulate a proper essay with clear instructions, easy reminders of the writing process, and excellent examples of good and bad writing choices.  After several drafts of my essay, I made an appointment to work with Duke Pasquini, one of the authors of the guide, through the internet and via phone to help with editing and my length issue.  Duke’s professional experience and kind and straight forward demeanor allowed me to create a winning essay that was an authentic representation of me.  Not only did I receive an interview from my top choice of PA school I was accepted a week later into their Physician Assistant Program, Class of 2019.  Thank you, “PA Life” for being a part of my journey.Michele Williams

Fantastic read. If you're applying to PA school, you've most likely taken a writing course or two as an undergrad, written countless papers for other classes, and faced the dreaded GRE's writing portion. You know how to write.

But when faced with the personal narrative prompt "write a brief statement expressing your motivation or desire to become a physician assistant.", where do you even begin? And how do you carry that momentum forward into a compelling story that will grant you the invitation for an interview?

This book helped me drastically in what was expected in a PA narrative. It covers the things you should do and the mistakes you should avoid. Before reading this book, I felt quite confident in my personal statement. Upon finishing the 90 pages, I realized my essay was great, but not for PA school. I had made several mistakes mentioned in this book, such as focusing too much on certain experiences, and writing excessively about them, instead of focusing on what I have to offer schools.

Although this is the only book that I have purchased on writing a personal statement, I would not hesitate to recommend this for others to read. Herro Chang

This book is a great resource for anyone that is pursuing PA school and wants to write a great personal statement to complete their application.

The book helps provide direction for students who have not started their essays AND for those who are just beginning. The content is very useful and VERY easy to digest; this book definitely provides all the tools you need to make an impact on your personal statement essay.

Your statement will undoubtedly have the potential to be as persuasive and as clear - an absolute gem of a resource to have in strengthening your application.Sanitha B.

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